I'm back!

I took a LONG time off from this blog, but I want to catch you up on my progress since I started it. I did well on my challenge and had lost 20 pounds and was on my second month of a fitness Bootcamp when I found out I was pregnant with our 5th baby. I had every intention of continuing my progress, but my body wouldn't cooporate! I got very dizzy whenever I tried to exercise, even moderately. I also had horrible morning sickness and all of the healthy food I had been eating before the pregnancy made me sick. I ate saltine crackers and fruit and white bread. All whole grains and things made me very ill! I can't understand it, but I think it has something to do with my hormones because it's ALWAYS that way. I prayed so hard for this pregnacy to be different than the others. I thought that if I could just be strong enough I wouldn't fall apart emotionally and physically, but no matter what I did, it still happened. I'm okay with it now because I kept a journal the whole time and I have a record of how hard I was trying. I can clearly see that it's not "me". My body has struggled to get each child here and I give up the "real" me for quite awhile (until the baby is around a year, which she now is.). I do this willingly and know that I will struggle just to function during that time, but I know that EVERY child that has come into our home was supposed to. It doesn't make it easier when I'm going through it, but it helps the guilt over the productive time in my life I've lost. Before, I spent all my time trying to fight it and beating myself up over it. This time, I finally know that it hasn't been my fault. I also know that I can't do it anymore. The Lord confirmed to me SEVERAL times throughout my entire pregnancy that it was enough. I am so GRATEFUL for all of my children! I'm so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who doesn't expect more from me than I'm able to give. I'm excited to move forward now and work toward becoming the woman He knows I can be. I have a long way to go, but I know that He will help me and I have amazing friends who are the best examples I could ask for!

I know I want to use this blog as a place where I can put my spiritual feelings and goals. My other blog is one for my family and friends (which are many) who don't share my beliefs. I'm not ashamed about my beliefs, but I've learned the hard way that I don't want to share sacred things with those who won't understand. It can make things worse and not better with the family I'm referring to. Thank you for being here and for understanding!